Demographics: they're almost always wrong

Demographics: the science behind marketing a car, ie: who will this car appeal to? A Buick LeSabre: retirees. A Chevy Cobalt: a teenager. A Mercedes C-Class: a well-to-do 20-something. Any Subaru: tree-huggers.

The above notations stand true. But for the most part, they're wrong too. Take for example, the Chrysler 300C. Aimed at the 65 year-old and over. Instead, every big-city pimp bought one and now it's the most popular vehicle among the gangland-crowd.

It's actually no longer about the skin-tone, age, or employment group that suggests who will buy what car. It's all about the attitude or more specifically, the ineptitude.

So here's how I see them:

Any 1-series BMWs; Well-to-do 20-somethings who want to be hip without realizing they could have bought an Audi A4 and not kill themselves in the first fast corner they try in winter.

Subarus: For those who can't afford Volvos.

Volvos: For those who can't afford a BMW 5-series.

Volkswagens: For people who used to own a Subaru.

Audis: For those who know they can't drive and depend on the car to make up for their short-comings in driver-experience.

Mercedes: For those who can afford them but don't know how to drive 10 km/h above the speed limit.

Toyotas: For the most boring people on the planet.

Hondas: For those who can't think for themselves and look beyond the marketing.

BMW 3-series: As Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear would say: "Coqs!" People who think they know how to drive until they unleash all that horsepower and end up in the ass-end of a minivan!

Nissans: For those who want to be jussssssst a lil' different.

Buicks: For those people who are waiting to die and hopefully, take you with them when they drive through those red lights.

Nissan Cubes: Weirdos.

Corvettes: There's no way around it, they ARE trying to make up for something... but just what that is, I don't know.

Chevy Cobalts: For those who think they look cool driving fast while laying practically in the backseat. (You know who they are).

F*rds: Who cares!

Dodge Rams or F*rd F150 pickup trucks: For those who think they can drive a pickup like a car.... until it flips over.

Minivans: Suckers!

Any Supercars: Remember, just because you can afford it, DOESN'T mean you know how to drive it!

Toyota Prius' or Honda Insights: Go back to British Columbia or Seattle!! Leonardo's hosting a Sushi Bar tonight!

Lexus': For people with money but no real aspirations to drive.

Infinitis: For people who wish they could buy a BMW.

Hummers: For those pimps who have too much money and not enough brains to know where best to spend it.

Honda Fits: For people with no identity and no desire to have one either.

Mustangs: For people who should have been born in Quebec.

Pontiacs: For people who should have been born in Quebec.

Honda Civics: The second most boring people in the world.

Hyundais: For people who don't want to be suckered into buying Japanese.

Land Rovers: For people who can buy an extremely-capable SUV but are too terrified to ever drive it off-road.

Saturns: For those people who actually believed they weren't buying GM.

Mazdas: For those people who don't know they're buying a F*rd.

Jaguars: For those people who don't know they're buying a F*rd.

Kias: For those people who can't afford a Hyundai.

Toyota Echos: For those people who don't really need a car.

Mini Coopers: For those people who will never have children.

Smart cars: For those people who should never have children.

What's what...

Ever notice how one car looks ka-pow in one color but another model looks completely alien in the same color? Some colors ate just made for those vehicles. Let me explain: not EVERY Ferrari looks good in the infamous Ferrari Red. Here's a few examples:

Ferrari F430: Metallic Blue
Ferrari Testarossa: White
Buick Enclave: Brown
New Camaro: "Bumble-Bee" Yellow
Chrysler 300C: Teal Green
Jeep Wrangler: Sahara Green & Tan
Dodge Magnum SRT8: Red
New F*rd Mustang: Brilliant Blue
New Mazda3 Sport: Brilliant Metallic Blue
Toyota Venza: Brown
Dode Ram pickup: Red
Toyota Camry: White
Second-generation Audi A4: Deep Blue
Audi A6: Silver
Honda Civic: Silver

Simple isn't it?! Try adding some vehicles of your own choosing.

The Truth about Toyota.. and maybe the rest.

Ok, so the truth is out about Toyota. how long will it be before we hear the truth about Honda? Nissan? And the others?

I've said it repeatedly that the Japanese automakers are just not as good as they want you to believe they are. And here's this massive recall of eight models of Toyotas, that kill. The Japanese brands have been very good at two different things. Hiding their faults, product-deficiencies; poor service; etc. The only reason everyone now knows about the sticking gas pedal is, sadly, because of the deaths of four people, one of whom was a police officer, with his family, in the midst of making a 911 call because his wife's car was accelerating out of control and they crashed in broad daylight in a very public manner.

Sadly, this is always how the truth comes out, isn't it? What if this hadn't been in daylight? What if it hadn't happened to a cop and his family? What if it had happened only to some slightly-drunk teen... it would have just been dismissed as drunk-driving and inexperience. As a matter of fact, as I write this, I wonder if it ever HAS happened? It probably has. But no one would have looked further into it, right?

And now that Toyota is recalling MILLIONS of vehicles, how are they going about this? Not too damn well it would seem. The dealerships have either had no guidance from Toyota-HQ or they just don't care. I have read numerous stories about dealerships threatening customers with process the repair of the vehicle as a repossession, thereby ruining the credit of the owner.

Here in Ottawa, some Toyota owners have become quite public about the shitty treatment they've received from local Toyota dealerships either not responding to phone calls; emails; not even responding to the local media's inquiries. They of course, are only looking out for their 'bottom-line'. So much for the highly-vaunted Toyota service. Vaporized like the sands of New Mexico in the 40s!

And now, here in Canada, there's talking of two massive class-action lawsuits for the inevitable loss of value that owners will incur because of this. Although that's a bit like putting the cart before the horse, I would never have bought a Toyota before this happened but you can bet your local beer-tab that 7/8s of these Toyota owners will NOT buy a Toyota again. And how are they going to sell these vehicles off, even long after they're repaired? This won't be quickly forgotten. hell, I still remember when there was a rampant rumor of Audis doing the same in the 80s. If true, I've never seen evidence that it was nothing more than the media's then-white-whale. But if true, back then you could just shift the tranny out of gear into neutral and that would do. Just how bad is this current defect that you can't shift your car into neutral and coast to a stop? You can bet anything that that police officer tried it for sure and it evidently didn't work, sadly.

Driving home from work today, I couldn't help but notice every Toyota around me and I can't help but wonder if that car isn't suddenly going to suddenly take off and plow into the nearest light standard. Seriously, if you think about it, you can't not wonder if you and some poor single-mom or some senior aren't going to become a statistic, another anecdote on page 3 of your local newspaper.

We all believe in the vehicles we drive, to the point that we don't even think about it. I mean, really, c'mon, you get in your car every morning, you go to work, you come home... it's usually that easy... but now.... not so much anymore. There could be a Corolla or a Camry waiting around the bend... there has to be stricter quality controls in place. There is no way in today's modern and extensive testing of prototypes, that this never came up as a design flaw somewhere in the development stages! They would have us believe that they build these cars to the highest standards, with exacting controls and continuous development in place.

Well perhaps it's time to raise those standards ever higher! Toyota isn't alone in fault. Governments are too. Federal; provincial; state; municipal.. they all have automotive standards that the manufacturers need to meet. Perhaps those standards need to be revised, too.

Before someone else dies.